Nana

I have put off writing about my Nana, for the simple reason that I burst into uncontrollable tears whenever I even mention her name. My last post briefly mentioned a loss my family is going through... we lost my Nana. Her name is Linda Mae, but we have always called her Nana. I grew up living next door to her, seeing her every day of my life, having her be a huge part of my life. My baby is her first Great-Grandchild. I love her dearly. I miss her... there are no words to describe the pain of losing a loved one. I am sure many of you can relate. Even though it is a pain that we all must endure, and a pain that we all can relate to... it is still such a lonely pain. No one can truly comfort you except the one you lost.

She died from a disease called Amyloidosis. It is pretty rare and we did not know that was the underlying problem to many of her health issues over the last year until she had passed away. She had a leaky heart valve which resulted in her needing open heart surgery. She did not do well with that and ended up being on life support for a week. Which eventually needed to be turned off due to blood clots and other negative side effects.

I think I have had such a difficult time with losing her because of how YOUNG she was, and how sudden and unexpected her decline was. If any of you have suffered through having a loved one on life support- I know your pain. That is the worst emotional roller coaster to suffer through. I am thankful for the time I spent with her in life and while she was on life support. I will think of her everyday. I will remember everything she has taught me and I will try to be as great of a person as she was.

I am not at home... so I don't have any current pictures with me. This is how I remember her though. She was a very young Grandma and absolutely gorgeous. Her funeral was extremely sad and difficult for me... but it was of course very beautiful. All of us grand kids sang a song for her (because she always loved us to sing). We sang Josh Groban's song "To Where You Are". I couldn't even sing it... his words bring comfort, yet pain all at the same time. The lyrics are:

Who can say for certain, maybe you're still here.

I feel you all around me, your memories so clear.

Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak.

You're still an inspiration, can it be that you are my forever love?

And you are watching over me from up above?

Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight to see you smile.

If only for a while to know you're there.

A breath away is not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream?

And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen?

As my heart holds you, just one beat away.

I cherish all you gave me, everyday.

And I believe that angels breath.

And that love will live on and never leave.

I know you're there.

A breath away is not far, to where you are.

I love you sweet Nana. I miss your more than I can say. I give William kisses from you every night, just like I promised. I wear my bird necklace almost every day and it makes me think of you. (I bought my Nana and I matching gold necklaces with birds on a wire... we both love birds) I will continue to miss you the rest of my life and I can't wait to see you again. I love you.