May 15, 2012

I feel like all I have blogged about in the past year is my Nana. It has almost consumed me- to be honest. I feel like writing about it releases some of my intense feelings, even though I am not so eloquent about it. Yesterday was the anniversary of her death. I remember May 15 of last year as if it was just yesterday. The images and feelings are still so crisp in my mind and heart. I can't believe she has been gone for a year all ready. In a way it makes me realize how fast time goes and that it really won't be that long until I get to see her again. (As sad as that may sound to some of you... it is a happy thought for me) Not that I want to leave and miss out on everything that I have here, I just want to see her again. 

To remember her, William and I went out and bought her some flowers and visited her grave. I am sure she is shocked at how much William has grown and changed. He was just a baby when she died. It makes me sad to think that William will not have her in his life. She was the best grandmother. She practically raised me and my siblings and cousins. We grew up next door to her. She was more than a grandmother... she was a second mother. William probably doesn't even remember her (which breaks my heart even more), but somehow he always can point her out in pictures and say "Nana!" which makes me smile.

We brought that metal bird to Nana on her birthday (in November). I have mentioned how much she loved birds- and so do I- and I wanted something to remind me that Nana is always with me. So I bought two birds and left one with her...

And one with me... Which may again, sound silly to some people, and maybe it is. But I love the reminder that it is and the comfort that it brings. 

I am sure that even though I have a severe ache in my gut and hole in my heart... that it is nothing compared to what my Papa has gone through. He is the sweetest man, the best Papa. William absolutely adores him and EVERY morning wants to go to "Papa's Barn". William shares a strong bond with my Papa the way I do with my Nana. They both LOVE CARS. Seriously- William is obsessed. So he is lucky to have the Papa that he does. Papa collects and restores old Ford's. On Sunday (Mother's Day) Papa took me, Scott, William and Bree on a ride in his 1932 (or 34....) Ford. William just kept saying "Wow!" over and over. He just loves it. It makes me happy that William is close to Papa. I love these two.

Nana, I still miss you with all my heart. I think about you EVERY day. I love you more than ever.